“You are exactly the parent that your child needs” On one of our courses last year a parent shared this thought. There was a silence in the room while everyone tried to grasp this revolutionary idea!
I recently heard Michelle Obama on a podcast share that we are raised in a society where we are constantly questioning am I good enough. We can easily assume that everyone around us is good enough, but we don’t ever imagine that for ourselves.
I found the first few years of flying school hugely frustrating. It felt like I was never doing enough; never being good enough. I had some vague idea of what enough looked like, and I was miles away from it!
Looking back, I realise that this is what we do as parents, we have a vague idea of what the perfect parent looks like, and we try our best to be that person. What’s more, as we meet different ‘perfect’ mums or dads, we add their perfectness into our idea, and it becomes even harder to reach.
It is not an idea that we naturally carry around with us, everyone (and I mean everyone!), struggles with it.
Perhaps we don’t let ourselves imagine that we are enough as we are, because it is too far away from how we are ‘supposed’ to be in society?
I will go out on a limb and say that until we are able to imagine that we are enough, then our children will not be able to imagine it for themselves either.
If you knew you were exactly the parent your child needed, what would change for you?
When I was asked this question by a coach, I suddenly felt lighter, I no longer needed to prove myself to others, I didn’t need to worry if I was doing it right or if my children had drawn the short straw by having me as their mum. I suddenly had permission to make mistakes because perhaps that is what they need too?
When we realise we already have everything we need to be the parent our children need, we can relax a bit and when we feel less anxious, we show up differently, with more ease, openness and fun.
You will not suddenly feel enough after reading this (I wish it was that easy!) It is something you will need to remind yourself of regularly and in particular when you feel stuck or you are having a wobble.
Reminding yourself you are enough is one of the first steps to finding your balance and being yourself as a parent, it is also a wonderful gift to share with your children and inspire them to fly too.