Encouragement – Have we got the balance right?

Is it possible that as parents we encourage our children too much? And if it is, how can we get the balance right?

I had a thought this morning that what if I have been too ‘encouraging’ as a parent. When I think about the way I have parented, I have said consistently reach for the stars, go further, and what more is possible? This morning I wondered if it might be too much? Perhaps it could be misinterpreted, I might never seem satisfied. Instead of a display of belief in my children’s ability, it might be sending a constant message of lack?

I want my encouragement to show up as a belief in them not an added pressure. 

Perhaps we can be so encouraging as parents that we make it too easy for our children, and they struggle to learn how to encourage themselves?

What if we knew that one of the greatest gifts we could give our children was to show them how to listen to their hearts?

If they had this skill, what would change?

I think they would:

• Be able to pick themselves up when the going got tough.
• Know what to do or how to be when they make a mistake or don’t achieve what they were hoping.
• Learn how to handle uncertainty
• Become more authentic 
• Learn to trust their own thinking and themselves.

Encouragement is not about how positive we are, it is about how we can help them to go inside themselves and learn who they are. 

So what can we do to get the balance right?

1. When they come to you with a problem or challenge, realise  that you don’t need to “do” anything – it is your presence they need. 
2. Before you share your ideas, listen longer and try saying, “I don’t know, what do you think?”
3. Remember that problems don’t have to be fixed in the moment, when we have permission to sit with them longer, better solutions emerge.
4. While they are figuring things out, they might feel uncomfortable even a little vulnerable, this is healthy, don’t be tempted to take it away. 
5. Share your stories – let them see how you encourage yourself 

If you knew there was a balance to be found around encouragement, what else would you try?