Are we raising adults?

May 24th, 2019 in Blog

Many of us parents agree that there’s only one important thing for us and that is to help our children learn to fly.

But what does this mean in practise? Some of us go out of our way to provide for our children in order to make their world more comfortable than perhaps ours was.

We decide that protecting our children is our number one priority and we do this in the only way we know how, on our terms.

So what does protecting our children mean in practise?
  • We walk them to the school gate
  • We quiz them over their friendships and advise them on who to avoid
  • We stand up for them when a teacher or friend dares to criticise
  • We avoid discussion with them because we know best – we’ve been there and they are too young to know
  • We manage their play time to make us feel more comfortable – “you don’t need to walk to Freddy’s house I will give you a lift”
  • We say ‘no’ to risky sleepovers, or to cub scout trips that may not have the right supervision etc.
What else do you tend to do?

There is nothing wrong with any of the above – it’s based on our judgments and intuition as a mum, dad or guardian – I am just wondering if our internal guidance on how best to parent is based on assumptions that are no longer true?

What would it be like if we decided to question these a little with the aim of really helping our children fly?

  1. Is it true that we need to protect them at all times, or is it true that we want to teach them how to protect themselves?
  1. Is it true that we should be in control of what happens to them, or is it true that we should guide them on how to make their own decisions and choices?
  1. Is it true that we know best, or is it true that we want them to learn how to know what is best for them?
If the latter statements were indeed true what would it mean in practise?
  1. Asking them what they think…
  1. Letting them try on their own more…
  1. Allowing them to get things wrong and choose the wrong paths, knowing we will be there for them when this happens…
  1. Teaching them how to be more responsible for their own behaviour…
  1. Rediscovering what our role is and what it means to be their parent?

I am currently reading Michelle OBama’s Autobiography (Becoming) and one sentence struck me, she referred to her parents as “raising adults” and it made me question… “is that what I’m doing?” Or am I bringing up my children in the invisible hope that they will always need me?

There is no rule book that tells you what your parenting should look like, just lots of rule books on what others think.

Remember those exciting times you had as a child when you were allowed new freedoms and could try out the world for size?  I want my children to fly like that,  knowing I will always be there to catch them should they need me.

If you knew that your child was capable of flying how would you help them?

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